A Gentleman's Behavior
Excerpts from "A Practical Guide For The 19th Century American Man"
The following web pages will endeavor to give a rough notion of what was expected of 19th Century American Gentlemen, as presented in etiquette books, with a leavening of how they really behaved, as presented in the works of foreign observers and social commentators.
The 19th Century was a time of tremendous social and economic flux. The Industrial Revolution created a consumer economy and a huge middle class with the means of purchasing consumer goods. This new middle class felt that they had arrived at a higher social plane of existence. The social norms of the farm and the tenement would not do for the family of a man who had made his way in the world.
The new middle class wanted to purchase appropriate manners, just as they could purchase fashionable homes, stylish clothing or the latest domestic gadget. From the 1850s on, the market was flooded with etiquette books which laid out to people who had never been exposed to such things, the rules of "polite society". In many cases, they also did not describe 19th Century America as it was, but as the author hoped it could become.
Ironically, these rules were based upon the norms of the 18th Century aristocratic society which the middle class had supplanted and rendered obsolete.
These changes were taking place throughout the European and American world, but in America, an additional dynamic was present. 19th Century Americans were keenly aware of the uniqueness of their democratic institutions and society, and many saw the manners of "polite society" as contrary to the egalitarian nature of America. Hifaluten manners were a thing of the decadent Old World. This often manifested itself in loud, coarse and rough behavior and downright rudeness--especially on the part of the have-nots towards the haves. Anyone who wore a top hat had to be ready to patiently endure the "I'm as good a man as you" reception he might get from every white porter, cab driver, sailor and ditch digger might encounter.
There was a gradual shift here however. As the century wore on, the norms of the middle class diffused throughout society, and "coarse behavior" became far less the norm in 1900 than it was in 1800. By the 20th Century, a watered down version of middle class manners had become the property of the entire society, which led in the years following the First World War, to a general informalization of manners, with Victorian notions of social ritual being tossed out in favor of a more "modern" and less clearly delineated approach to behavior.
The manners of the 19th Century, as expressed in etiquette books, do contain many elaborate social rituals which seem a bit quaint to us moderns, but the vast majority of their space is devoted to what would seem to be common sense rules like "Don't chew with your mouth open" or "Don't interrupt people" or "Don't be a lot of bother when you are a house guest". Two things may be drawn from this. First, there must have been a lot of people back then (just as there are today) who lacked "common courtesy" and needed to be told such things, and second, if you wish to portray a refined 19th Century American, just do the things your mama taught you, and you are more than half way there already. Perhaps the rest of this website will help you get you over the other half.
Deportment
"Awkwardness of attitude betrays a want of good home training and physical culture. A man should not lounge in a chair, nurse his leg, caress his foot crossed over his knee or bite his nails. A gentleman is allowed more freedom than a lady. He may sit cross-legged if he wish, but should not sit with his knees far apart, nor with his foot on his knee. In indicating an object, move the whole hand, or the head, but never point the finger. All should be quiet and graceful, either in their sitting or standing position."
Rules of Etiquette and Home Culture, 1886
"A good manner is the best letter of recommendation among strangers. Civility, refinement and gentleness are passports to hearts and homes, while awkwardness, coarseness and gruffness are met with locked doors and closed hearts".
Our Deportment. 1881
"Never scratch your head, pick your teeth, clean your nails, or worse of all, pick your nose in company; all these things are disgusting. Spit as little as possible and never upon the floor. If you are going into the presence of ladies, beware of onions, spirits and tobacco."
The Art of Good Behavior. 1845
"It is a great thing to be able to walk like a gentleman--that is, to get rid of that awkward, lounging, swinging gate of a clown and stop before you reach the affected and flippant step of the dandy. In short, nothing but being a gentleman can give you the air and step of one"
"A gentleman never sits in the house with his hat on in the presence of ladies for a single moment. Indeed, so strong is the force of habit that a gentleman will quite unconsciously remove his hat on entering a parlor, or drawing room, even if there is no one present but himself. People who sit in the house with their hats on are to be suspected of having spent most of their time in bar rooms and similar places"
Martine's Handbook 1866
"...one must advance or thrust forward the chest or sternum, by drawing back the tops of the shoulders, taking care to keep them down; and at the same time holding the arms a little forward, so that the hands may be in a line with the foreside of the thighs. The head is to be held back in a becoming manner, but without stiffness; and the chin kept down, but not so as to give the figure an air of constraint"
Treatise on Dancing, 1820
